Unwavering

By Jonah O

Content warning: use of alcohol

It has been over a year since James and Edwin began living together in James’s apartment. James could not have been happier that day last year. The person of his dreams finally lives with him. He promised Edwin that he would be able to provide for him no matter what. No matter the situation, James would help Edwin. Always. In return, Edwin promised to stay with James.

James provides. Edwin stays. James works full time. Edwin can lounge and be carefree. James does not mind working so much for Edwin’s happiness and relaxation. Edwin has the right to this after all he has been through. James is happy to fulfill this right of Edwin.

Now a year into the relationship, the constant work and care for Edwin has taken a toll on James. In the beginning, James and Edwin were the same height. James has slumped and shrunk to a few inches below Edwin. He is skin and bone. Little muscle. Pale. Emaciated. In his promise to Edwin, James does not care to provide for himself. Only gives himself the very bare minimum to keep functioning. Edwin stays healthy. He can do whatever with the continued support of James. James is happy despite it all. He is happy that Edwin is healthy.

James arrives home late one night around 9 pm. His exhaustion from work is more than apparent in his face and body. He is barely standing. Edwin is not home. James was desperately hoping to see his one but he is not here.

“Why is he not here?” He pleads aloud. Edwin would greet him at the door whenever James came home. It was the reason he came home. The reason he worked. To see him and fulfill his promise. James waits near the door of the apartment, still in his work clothes, barely able to stand, and reeking of sweat.

An hour elapses, now closer to 11 pm. The door begins making noises. James’s heart skips a beat, his eyes focused intensely on the door. It opens slowly, and the creek of the wood pierces through James’s ears. Edwin stumbles in. He is equally as filthy as James. He reeks of booze.

Edwin falls onto James. “Sorry about being out so late.” Edwin slurs and hiccups. “I would have made it back sooner but” he pauses and chuckles “I got a bit, er, distracted.” Edwin is swaying back and forth; he is drunk out of his mind.

James stares at Edwin like a lost dog seeing their owner. His eyes are wide, almost in tears. It takes a minute for James to process what Edwin has said to him.

“No, it’s alright,” he says hastily. “I am glad you are still here.” He pauses. “I don’t know what I’d be doing if I didn’t have you. I love you so much.”

James is interrupted. “I know you love me. You wouldn’t work so hard if you didn’t.” Edwin hiccups again. “I appreciate it so much,” Edwin says, like he is following a script. “Please, go get a shower. You reek. You have work in the morning” Edwin demands.

James gets moving without a second thought. He made his promise and he will keep it. Thoughts of what Edwin might have been doing cross his mind but he quickly pushes them away. He thinks to himself “It doesn’t matter, he still came home. He still loves me.”

That thought repeats without end in James’s head as he falls asleep that night. It soothes him. Comforts him. Edwin still reeks of booze.